Make way for Number Two...

Here we go, Herron baby number two is on the way. While we planned this pregnancy and want this baby very much, I think I spent the first trimester in a bit of denial about another baby actually making it's way into our family. Now that I have a bit of a noticeable belly, and people are starting to throw around congratulations and ask about the due date, reality is starting to set in. Holy crap, we are going to have TWO children, at ONE time. This really seemed like a good idea at one point, but the fear is starting to hit me. With Emily, although everyone and their brother told me how much having a baby would "change my life forever", I still really didn't get it until she was here, I brought her home, and oh yes, she really WAS my responsibility. I love her like I never thought I could love another human being, and I wouldn't give her up for the world. But now I KNOW what having a baby is like, and we decided to do it AGAIN??? I guess my problem is that this time, my fears are specific. Can I be candid with you, my family and friends? If so, I will share exactly what it is that is starting to make me a bit nervous about doing this baby thing all over again.

1. I am afraid of having a newborn again. I was lucky enough that I had friends that were completely honest with me about what having a newborn was like. I knew it wouldn't be all sweetness and light, I expected to be miserable some of the time. Still, I watched A Baby Story like it was going out of style when I was pregnant with Emily. Have you seen this show, folks? It tracks a couples story through the last days of pregnancy, through labor and childbirth, and ends with a few scenes a couple of weeks after the happy couple brings their new baby home. These women are smiling. They look well rested. They are wearing makeup and look like they have eaten three square meals a day since their baby has arrived. Try as they might have to prepare me for the reality of having a newborn, I somehow still believed that maybe, just maybe, my experience would be like one of those women on A Baby Story. Yea, right. My Baby Story??? I had breastfeeding issues like you would not believe. I didn't shower for days. I spent weeks in my pajamas, most of them stained with breastmilk. I slept very little. I didn't feel functional enough to leave the house, even for a walk around the neighborhood, for at least a month after my little bundle of joy arrived. Makeup, HAH! I felt like a princess if I could even squeeze in a shower here and there. Three square meals?? I was lucky if I could find the time to chow down on a granola bar between feedings. People will tell you how wonderful it is to have a baby, and yes, there are certainly wonderful things about it. But lets face it folks, there are some things about having a newborn that just plain suck. And I would be completely happy if I could find a way to somehow give birth to a six month old. Via C-section, of course. Which brings me to fear number two...

2. I am afraid of going through childbirth again. Those friends who tried faithfully to prepare me for life-with-newborn also tried to prepare me for what childbirth would be like. Again, enter A Baby Story. Yes these women moaned. Some screamed. Most had an epidural. Almost all of them ended their journey smiling and looking pretty holding their beautiful babies. I thought, women have been doing this for centuries, really, how bad could it be? I was even looking forward to it, in a weird way. I was not expecting two hours, two nurses, two anesthesiologists and eighteen pokes to start an IV. I was not expecting the pain to be as intense as it was. I was not expecting the pushing part to be as highly unpleasant as it was (for any boys reading this, think "watermelon through a toilet paper roll" and you'll have some idea of what this is like). However, first moments with new baby, priceless. Pretty, I was not. Smiling, I've never felt such accomplishment or such happiness and pride until that moment. Was it worth it, definitely. Do I want to do it again? Not particularly, but unless they devise a better way to get babies out in the next six months, I guess I'll be going to. Can I have my epidural now, please?

3. I am afraid of never sleeping again. This fear also dovetails off of fear number one. However, I am not just referring to newborn land, here. I fully expect to be sleep deprived to the extreme for several months. However, we really scored the jackpot with Emily. She always has been, and still is, a champion sleeper. This kid will sleep 12-13 hours a night and take a two hour nap in the afternoon. She rarely wakes up. My fear of never sleeping again is not borne so much from experience as it is from horror-stories from family, friends, complete strangers in the grocery store, etc: it seems everyone knows someone who has a child that "still isn't sleeping through the night" and the child is three. I guess this may be a rational fear to have, and I'll just have to pray that I pop out a kid that is a sleeper like Emily.

4. I'm afraid of having a boy. Please do not mistake this fear for my not wanting to have a boy. On the contrary, I think I would like to have a boy, at some point. But if I may be honest, the thought of having a boy really scares me. I really have very little experience with boys, we simply don't have many in my family. Boys are foreign territory to me. They are rowdy. They wrestle. They have penises. What on the earth would I DO with a boy?? This fear, I suppose, like most fears, is really a fear of the unknown. Calling all moms of boys out there. If we have a boy, anyone volunteering to give me a crash course in Boys 101???

5. I'm afraid of having TWO. This seems pretty obvious. We decided to have another baby, OBVIOUSLY one plus one equals two. But I already know that it is not that simple. It won't be like bringing home another Emily all over again. We already have Emily, and she has needs of her own. We now have to think about how we satisfy the needs of Emily AND juggle the all-consuming demands of a newborn. (Again, WHY did we think this was a good idea??) It seems simple enough if both parents are around, one for each child. But I am already thinking ahead to nights Greg has school, or an estimate, or is stuck late at work. I'm going to have to feed, bathe, and prepare TWO children for bedtime, AND get them to actually go to sleep? And don't even get me started on my fear of random errands...how on earth does one go grocery shopping with two small children?? Only one child fits in the cart. Why, oh why has someone not designed a shopping cart for two?? As with my other fears, I assume this one will just work itself out on it's own, like everything always seems to. This brings me to my last fear (at least those I have been able to identify so far), and it is a big one...

6. I am afraid that I won't like the second one as much. I may be a terrible mother for even thinking this, but honestly, it is a real fear of mine. I know that everyone says that "you will love the new baby just as much, you just will", and I know that I will love him or her. But will I LIKE them as much?? Simply put, Emily is so cool, so easy, so pleasant, so happy, so good natured, so sweet, so smart, so funny, so cute, and so PERFECT (OK, I know some of this is just mom-inspired bias here) that I am just wondering how it will be possible for me to genuinely like another child as much as I like her. I'm going to have to take it on faith here that I will get to know this new little one for the special little human being that he or she is going to be, and that I will love and appreciate him or her for all that they are, and that yes, I really will like him or her as much.

Well guys, that is it. My big Fear List so far. For you moms of more than one (or two or three for that matter), anything to add?? As riddled with apprehension and nervousness as my feelings are regarding this new baby to be, I am also very excited. I look at my beautiful daughter and feel the love I have for her and I know it grows every day as I get to know her more and more for the special person that she is. And now that I've been through it once, I know I will have a great time getting to know this next one. Baby Herron Number Two, we're waiting for you!