The Truth About Two

I'll admit it, the process of having a second baby was a much more stressful, and in ways less enjoyable than the first. When we became pregnant with Emily, it was almost pure joy. Sure, I worried about the baby. Would she come out normal? Would I be a good mom? How would I handle being a parent and working outside the home? But for the most part, the worries were few, and the happiness was plentiful. When we decided to have a second, there were many more worries. We were having such a good time with Emily, how would another child affect her? Would she be jealous? Hate the new baby? Could we POSSIBLY love another baby as much as we loved Emily? How could we? My heart would almost burst with love whenever I looked at her. This miracle of such intense, pure love could not feasibly happen twice. Not only that, we were having a boy. A BOY. What on earth would I do with a BOY? I always pictured myself having all girls. With Adam, there were a whole new set of worries to consider, and I fretted much more than I had with Em. I will even admit this...when I was leaving for work the morning of Adam's birth, I actually burst into tears. I wasn't ready for another baby yet! I wanted more time to enjoy my sweet Emily, have her all to myself, and not have to share myself with another child. I actually thought, "Oh no! What have we done!"

Then, approximately eight hours later, my baby boy came into the world, and I had an experience I did not have straight away when Emily was born. I fell instantly in love. With Emily, the whole experience of having a newborn was wonderful, but also the most stressful thing I had ever experienced, and it took a little while for the really intense love to blossom. With Adam, it was literally love at first sight. I couldn't believe it. I really COULD love another child as much as I loved Emily. Everyone told me that no matter how wonderful your first child was, you would love the second (and third, and fourth...) just as much, although maybe differently. It took the actual birth of my second child for me to really see how this could be true. We have had our challenges of course. Adam is not the same baby that Emily was, and it takes a while to learn all about the new one, their personality, their likes and dislikes, and how to fit them into the family. In some ways, I feel a little bad for Adam in that he does not get near the same one-on-one attention that Emily received as a newborn. How could he, we already have a two year old running around to care for! However, he does have the experience of an extremely entertaining big sister to watch, which he does almost constantly, and really seems to enjoy her. For Emily's part, she loves to "mother" baby Adam, and is always bringing him toys, blankets, pacifiers (even though he hates them!), and insisting on particularities of his care ("Hey momma, pick baby Adam up!", "Hey momma, I think baby Adam needs a new diaper!", "Hey momma, bring baby Adam a blanket!"). They study each other with such intensity. Amazingly, they already seem to love each other. Just as amazingly, my capacity to love seems to grow as my family does. And that's the truth about having two.

Sydney the Wonderdog

This week, Sydney had a brush with death. She went into an unexplained seizure episode in the middle of the night last weekend, and she seized for over an hour. After a 30 hour stay at the emergency vet, followed by a full day of observation at our own vet, she came home to recuperate. I have learned two important things from this whole episode.

1. Pets are really, really good friends, and part of the family.

2. Their absence is felt so much more than their presence.

I had dropped her off at family's home for the week, as we were preparing to leave for a camping trip. I stopped to pick up a carry-out on the way home, and as I was trekking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room with the plates and food, I was unconsciously looking around for Sydney. She is almost ALWAYS underfoot, and if you're not careful, you'll step on her 50 times a day. I actually had the conscious thought "Oh, that's right, Sydney isn't here. Gee, I miss her already." Then, when I got that phone call at 4:00 am and I was standing over my beloved friend, begging her to wake up and really thinking that she was not going to, I had the follow-up thought: "Oh my god, I'm going to be missing her like that every day". And it made me realize what an important and yet sometimes invisible part she plays in our lives. I can't describe the joy and relief that I felt when she finally opened her eyes and lifted her head off the table. I thought, "I'm going to make sure Sydney knows how much we love her, every day". And then I realized, I should let EVERYONE I love know how much I love them every day. There are so many people who would leave a tangible hole in my life if they were suddenly gone, but I don't very often really stop to think about it. This is the lesson that my good friend Sydney taught me this week. So thank you, Sydney. And to everyone who cares enough about me to be reading this post, I love you too. And I would miss you terribly if you were gone.